Tag Archives: fail

Ahh a Stripper Child

24 Aug

The following is a true story…Unfortunately

There are 3 main characters in this story. We will call them FuckaHoe, StripperHoe, And StripperChild.

I get some frantic texts this morning from FuckaHoe. He is saying to me Please look up this chicks myspace and tell me if there is any mention of or a hint of a Child. I ask him how old is the stripperChild. He says 7 or 8!! I look at stripperHoe’s myspace and holy shit, She is a true hoe. Thats all i’m saying.  So I look around and there is no hint of a child on her myspace. He asks me to check stripperHoe’s facebook. It’s private so i sent a friend request out to her to see if i can investigate farther.  FuckaHoe FLIPS OUT.   He starts saying “Oh my god!!!!! she is going to find me BLOCK HER NOW BLOCK HER.”. I ask him what the hell is going on and he says i’ll call you after work. I can not stop laughing at this point because only FuckaHoe would totally get himself into this situation. FuckaHoe calls me and tells me what happened.

FuckaHoes child did this drawing

FuckaHoe decided to have sex with StripperHoe multiple times while he was in another state “working” with out a condom. FuckaHoe had a girlfriend at the time also who does not know about StripperHoe.  That same girlfriend is his wife now.  StripperHoe turns all stalkerish and when he tried to cut ties and move back home to our home state she flips out says shes moving with him and he quits talking to her.  A few weeks go by after they stop talking and StripperHoe calls him and says shes pregnant.  FuckaHoe calls bullshit and deletes her number completely and blocks it.  7 years later StripperHoe contacts him and is trying to get in contact with him.  Most likely about stripperChild.  FuckaHoe is in Deep shit with his wife already because she thinks hes cheating on her with his best friend. Which HE IS NOT!!!! So FuckaHoe thinks he has a stripper child walking this earth and refuses to accept that and is trying to avoid stripperHoe.

Picture of FuckaHoe and stripperHoe the night they met

FuckaHoe…I know you are reading this….But the moment StripperHoe told you to “dot her eyes” you should have ran as fast as you could. What the hell were you thinking??

I will keep you updated on what happens with stripperChild and that whole mess.

Oh and FuckaHoe i added this picture just for you=)

FuckaHoe is the guy in the pink shirt

ughhh Seriously????

29 Jul

Hello Bitches.  I know I don’t blog much anymore  but life is busy!

Soo I have an issue with these retards….But let me warn you..if the word “wigger” offends you I suggest you get the fuck off my blog

Where the hell do I begin.  First of all more than likely these were taken in their mom’s basement in a rich suburb.  How do they not know they look ridiculous???

Oh and look who I found while I was googling pictures

Bray…Seriously…This is not a good look for you

Moving on

My next issue are these whores

Seriously…Do i even need to say anything about that?

I know this blog is short but I promise this weekend I’ll come up with a killer blog.

tomorrow is picture day so make sure you come back!

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Nothing like a good ole muffin top

19 Jul

I am sorry I have been neglecting you whores. Its been a busy busy week. And my kids have been all up in my shit constantly. I can not wait for school to start.

So since its summer I have been seeing a lot of this…

Okay maybe not that extreme but I do see this all the time…

That is not sexy….For one she looks like a tomato with legs…for two UMMMMM DONT BUY SHIRTS THAT ARE TOO SMALL!!!!! You look ridiculous!!!  NO ONE wants to see that crap.  And while im at it…Just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it.

I can’t even count how many times I have gone through walmart and seen this shit.  GAG.

Now I am not bashing fat people.  We all know Atomic Gator has a weight issue.  Sorry bud :-(.

But I can not stand to hear “over weight”(trying to be politically correct here) people bitch about how tough it is to be fat and how it sucks and blah fucking blah.  If you are “over weight” because of a medical issue, I’m sorry that really sucks and continue bitching, But if you are over weight because your fucking lazy, then BOO FUCKING HOO.

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Holy shit balls….

8 Jul

There is a Do it your self lasik eye surgery.  Yes you read that right.  I am not sure if this is a joke or what but what the fuck.  Who the hell would be crazy enough to do that shit?  I have TERRIBLE eye sight.  My glasses are thick as can be.  Even my contacts are thick and I still would never in a million years do this.   Here are the 4 easy steps on how to do it

This is what the kid comes with…

The Complete LASIK@Home Kit (patent pending) includes everything you need to complete the procedure.

  • Scal-Pal™ Hand-Operated Combination Femtosecond/Excimer Laser
  • Mild sedative (diazepam 4mg)
  • No-Blink™ brand Eye Drops
  • Detailed Instructions and QuickStart Guide
  • Protective Post-Op Sleep Mask

Good lord.  What dumb fuck would actually do this?

Moving on…

The most fucked up toy award goes to…

ummm yeah.  There is not much to say about that toy

And I am not sure if this tattoo is an epic win or a total fail.

And the last story of the day is….

The most fucked up of them all…

France’s “Hannibal Lecter” said Wednesday a sexual urge drove him to kill his cellmate and “curiosity” about the taste of human flesh led him to cook and eat a lung he ripped out of the corpse.  He said he flew into an “uncontrollable” rage after his victim gave him a “dirty look” on January 2, 2007 after he ordered him to wash his hands after using the toilet in the tiny cell they shared with a third inmate in Rouen.

He said that after pummeling his victim, he took a pair of scissors and plunged it into his back, neck and chest a dozen times before holding a plastic bag over his head “for five minutes” to make sure he was dead. Then he decided to eat Baudry’s heart for his evening meal. “I take a razor blade and I open his chest. I plunge my hand in and I take out what I think is the heart but which in fact is a piece of lung, which I put into a Tupperware container,” he told a transfixed courtroom. “I did it out of curiosity to see what it was like to eat human flesh,” said Cocaign.

“What is terrible is that it (the lung) was good,” Cocaign told him, according to his testimony. “It has the taste of venison. It is tender. What I did I liked doing.”  “No one was listening to me,” the detainee said. “I took action, and then they took me seriously.”

Would anyone like to try a piece of lung?  Maybe a kidney?

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You my friend are a DOUCHE

25 Jun

So my Friday rant is about Douche bags…This one in particular actually.  He is the one that inspired this blog today…

What the hell is up with this whole Jersey shore shit.  Its retarded.  They all look like complete morons. If you look like this tool then you need help..asap

How do they not know they  look retarded?  Seriously.

Oh and my favorite, are these losers…

I really just have one thing to say…

My next rant is Whores..Yes I know I say that word way to often, But seriously whores bug me especially the whores that wear the shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out, who tan like 6 times a day and wear Ugg boots in the summer with their tiny shorts and a tank top.

You look like a weather confused whore.

Now I know all the men are probably like oh my god whatever its hot.  Well I say you are fucking dumb and no it’s not. Just because you have a good body does not give you the right to dress like a hooker on 5th street.  I weigh 105 lbs and I still do not dress like that.

And to go with the theme of Jersey shore this shit bugs me too..

Well thats  my rants for today.

But a special thank you to Lookitsbray For my awesome looking blog=)

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My family is nuts….

24 Jun

This is my insane family. Summed up in a few screen shots.

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Today sucks..

23 Jun

So today fucking sucks.  SUCKS..

First Andrew did this to his hair

It looked a lot worse in person…he was completely bald in that one spot

Then I tried to fix it….and made it look even worse….

Notice how mad he is at me

I finally got it evened out a little bit….

Then I walk away for 2 Fucking seconds and he does this……..

That is my husbands hair balm.  Almost half the Jar is on top of his head!!

[tweetmeme source=”AdventureOf_Mom” only_single=false]

Big girls need loving too!

22 Jun

Make sure watch it till the end.  The best part is at the end=)

Thank you Mindy for sending me this video(I don’t know how she found it. She probably has this fetish)

Apparently people all over the world like this.  And as I was looking on google for articles on this I came across a whole bunch of weird ass sexual fetishes people like.  I came across  this site.  I copied and pasted my favorites!!!

Formicophilia

This is deriving sexual pleasure from insects crawling on the body, specifically on the genitals. It is more common in developing countries, perhaps because homes are infested with insects. This could lead to an individual’s genitals being exposed to insects (especially if they have outdoor bathrooms, as many developing countries do), and if this happens at a young age when they are sexually developing, they may derive pleasure from it.

Vorarephilia

This is arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else. It is called “vore” for short. Perhaps this is related to cannibalism, but how someone develops a fetish like this, I really could not even speculate upon. It involves pure fantasy (at least hopefully it does), since it would be very difficult to make any of the aforementioned situations reality.

Klismaphilia

This is deriving sexual pleasure from receiving an enema. It’s not too surprising that people can get aroused from it, especially if they enjoy anal sex. A klismaphile may also enjoy pornographic films that portray someone receiving an enema and deriving sexual pleasure from it.

Egyptian sex
Image via Wikipedia

Ughh what the hell.  Seriously.   There is not enough liquor or drugs in this world to get me to try any of that shit.

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Lets wax your balls…..

21 Jun

I was reading the news this morning online when I came across This story.  I will copy and paste it here.

‘Intimate waxing’ fundraiser goes awry

British man nearly loses testicle in charity event at pub

msnbc.com
updated 3:57 p.m. ET, Thurs., June 17, 2010//

LONDON – Joe Cooper might want to think twice the next time he’s asked to participate in a bikini waxing fundraiser for charity.

Cooper, 24, was left in agony after an “intimate beauty waxing” event at a pub went a bit too far and he nearly lost a testicle.

“I’d never do it again. I wouldn’t put any man through that pain,” he told British media Wednesday.


Cooper and 10 male friends had agreed to undergo the waxing on June 5 to raise cash for a local hospital. But all the others just had their chests waxed, while Joe endured the “male Brazilian,” the Daily Sun reports.

Onlookers placed bids to pull the strips off in the charity event at the pub in Birstall, Leicester.

One of the strips stuck to a very sensitive spot — and an over-energetic tug by one of his friends tore off six of his seven layers of skin, the newspaper said.

Pub manager Josh Adcock told the U.K. Daily Mail: ‘Joe’s a bit of a clown, he likes to do things like that.

“People were bidding quite a lot to have a rip. I was laughing but I did feel quite sorry for him, especially as we had a disco later on and he couldn’t walk.”

Cooper wound up at the hospital. “You can imagine how much everyone was laughing at me. It was ironic. I was meant to be helping them — and they ended up helping me. They told me if any more skin had come off, that would have been it. I was very lucky really,” he was quoted as saying.

Cooper, who has so far helped to raise about $4,400 for Leicester Royal Infirmary’s children’s ward, added: “I just hope people will sponsor me more now — because I’m still hurting.”


What the hell.  There is so much wrong with this story.  Okay first of all WHO THE HELL BID TO RIP OFF THE WAX STRIPS???  How hard did they fucking pull to RIP 7 LAYERS OF SKIN OFF???? And who the hell would decide to wax their BALLS?  Now don’t get me wrong.  I like it nice and clean down there but to wax it in front of a bunch of people?  AND to have your buddies rip it off?  Thats just asking for trouble.

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Check out line troubles

16 Jun

So this is a story from a while back,  but I thought it was hilarious so im blogging about it today.  Actually I have two stories.  I’ll start with the chocolate man.  When my older son Noah was learning his colors for some reason he always thought the color brown was Chocolate.  The kid loved candy what can I say.  So we went grocery shopping one day and while we were in the check out line there was this very nice African American man.   My son,  just learning his colors blurts out in the most loudest voice I have ever heard him talk in, says, “MOM THAT MANS MADE OF CHOCOLATE” .  Ugh.  I seriously wanted to crawl in a hole and die at that moment.  Everyone in the line was laughing,  even the nice African American man.  Thankfully he didn’t take offense to it.

Story two.  Another check out line story with my same son Noah.  Why the hell does this kid do the most random things?  So here we are in the check outline at the grocery store again.  There was this really mean old lady in front of us.  I had two kids at the time.  And my kids were being loud like usual.  But this lady did not like it.  My kids were like 3 and 1 at the time so really she could just shove it.  She kept shooting us dirty looks.  Noah was hanging on the front of the cart and this lady was standing in front of him.  Well my son decided to randomly stick his hand in this lady’s but crack!!!  Im not kidding.  This is not a joke.  He took all 5 fingers and just decided to poke her ass, Right down the frickin crack.   I have no idea why.  Maybe because her ass was right in his face?  I don’t know.  But I thought this lady was going to shoot us all.  She turned around gave me the dirtiest look ever.  It didn’t help that me and my husband couldn’t stop laughing.  I know it was very rude and we did tell him he couldn’t do that in the car.  BUT it was seriously hilarious at the time.  It was just so random

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