Tag Archives: funny

Ahh a Stripper Child

24 Aug

The following is a true story…Unfortunately

There are 3 main characters in this story. We will call them FuckaHoe, StripperHoe, And StripperChild.

I get some frantic texts this morning from FuckaHoe. He is saying to me Please look up this chicks myspace and tell me if there is any mention of or a hint of a Child. I ask him how old is the stripperChild. He says 7 or 8!! I look at stripperHoe’s myspace and holy shit, She is a true hoe. Thats all i’m saying.  So I look around and there is no hint of a child on her myspace. He asks me to check stripperHoe’s facebook. It’s private so i sent a friend request out to her to see if i can investigate farther.  FuckaHoe FLIPS OUT.   He starts saying “Oh my god!!!!! she is going to find me BLOCK HER NOW BLOCK HER.”. I ask him what the hell is going on and he says i’ll call you after work. I can not stop laughing at this point because only FuckaHoe would totally get himself into this situation. FuckaHoe calls me and tells me what happened.

FuckaHoes child did this drawing

FuckaHoe decided to have sex with StripperHoe multiple times while he was in another state “working” with out a condom. FuckaHoe had a girlfriend at the time also who does not know about StripperHoe.  That same girlfriend is his wife now.  StripperHoe turns all stalkerish and when he tried to cut ties and move back home to our home state she flips out says shes moving with him and he quits talking to her.  A few weeks go by after they stop talking and StripperHoe calls him and says shes pregnant.  FuckaHoe calls bullshit and deletes her number completely and blocks it.  7 years later StripperHoe contacts him and is trying to get in contact with him.  Most likely about stripperChild.  FuckaHoe is in Deep shit with his wife already because she thinks hes cheating on her with his best friend. Which HE IS NOT!!!! So FuckaHoe thinks he has a stripper child walking this earth and refuses to accept that and is trying to avoid stripperHoe.

Picture of FuckaHoe and stripperHoe the night they met

FuckaHoe…I know you are reading this….But the moment StripperHoe told you to “dot her eyes” you should have ran as fast as you could. What the hell were you thinking??

I will keep you updated on what happens with stripperChild and that whole mess.

Oh and FuckaHoe i added this picture just for you=)

FuckaHoe is the guy in the pink shirt

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ughhh Seriously????

29 Jul

Hello Bitches.  I know I don’t blog much anymore  but life is busy!

Soo I have an issue with these retards….But let me warn you..if the word “wigger” offends you I suggest you get the fuck off my blog

Where the hell do I begin.  First of all more than likely these were taken in their mom’s basement in a rich suburb.  How do they not know they look ridiculous???

Oh and look who I found while I was googling pictures

Bray…Seriously…This is not a good look for you

Moving on

My next issue are these whores

Seriously…Do i even need to say anything about that?

I know this blog is short but I promise this weekend I’ll come up with a killer blog.

tomorrow is picture day so make sure you come back!

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Nothing like a good ole muffin top

19 Jul

I am sorry I have been neglecting you whores. Its been a busy busy week. And my kids have been all up in my shit constantly. I can not wait for school to start.

So since its summer I have been seeing a lot of this…

Okay maybe not that extreme but I do see this all the time…

That is not sexy….For one she looks like a tomato with legs…for two UMMMMM DONT BUY SHIRTS THAT ARE TOO SMALL!!!!! You look ridiculous!!!  NO ONE wants to see that crap.  And while im at it…Just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it.

I can’t even count how many times I have gone through walmart and seen this shit.  GAG.

Now I am not bashing fat people.  We all know Atomic Gator has a weight issue.  Sorry bud :-(.

But I can not stand to hear “over weight”(trying to be politically correct here) people bitch about how tough it is to be fat and how it sucks and blah fucking blah.  If you are “over weight” because of a medical issue, I’m sorry that really sucks and continue bitching, But if you are over weight because your fucking lazy, then BOO FUCKING HOO.

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Holy shit balls….

8 Jul

There is a Do it your self lasik eye surgery.  Yes you read that right.  I am not sure if this is a joke or what but what the fuck.  Who the hell would be crazy enough to do that shit?  I have TERRIBLE eye sight.  My glasses are thick as can be.  Even my contacts are thick and I still would never in a million years do this.   Here are the 4 easy steps on how to do it

This is what the kid comes with…

The Complete LASIK@Home Kit (patent pending) includes everything you need to complete the procedure.

  • Scal-Pal™ Hand-Operated Combination Femtosecond/Excimer Laser
  • Mild sedative (diazepam 4mg)
  • No-Blink™ brand Eye Drops
  • Detailed Instructions and QuickStart Guide
  • Protective Post-Op Sleep Mask

Good lord.  What dumb fuck would actually do this?

Moving on…

The most fucked up toy award goes to…

ummm yeah.  There is not much to say about that toy

And I am not sure if this tattoo is an epic win or a total fail.

And the last story of the day is….

The most fucked up of them all…

France’s “Hannibal Lecter” said Wednesday a sexual urge drove him to kill his cellmate and “curiosity” about the taste of human flesh led him to cook and eat a lung he ripped out of the corpse.  He said he flew into an “uncontrollable” rage after his victim gave him a “dirty look” on January 2, 2007 after he ordered him to wash his hands after using the toilet in the tiny cell they shared with a third inmate in Rouen.

He said that after pummeling his victim, he took a pair of scissors and plunged it into his back, neck and chest a dozen times before holding a plastic bag over his head “for five minutes” to make sure he was dead. Then he decided to eat Baudry’s heart for his evening meal. “I take a razor blade and I open his chest. I plunge my hand in and I take out what I think is the heart but which in fact is a piece of lung, which I put into a Tupperware container,” he told a transfixed courtroom. “I did it out of curiosity to see what it was like to eat human flesh,” said Cocaign.

“What is terrible is that it (the lung) was good,” Cocaign told him, according to his testimony. “It has the taste of venison. It is tender. What I did I liked doing.”  “No one was listening to me,” the detainee said. “I took action, and then they took me seriously.”

Would anyone like to try a piece of lung?  Maybe a kidney?

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umm seriously?

1 Jul

Parents are having a huge bitch fit over this commercial.  I have no idea why.   Some people are saying it “sexualized” children.

There are three things wrong with that

1. Um no it doesn’t you dumb shit

2.  The kid is supposed to be “cool” that is why they are all staring at him.  Not because he is sexy.

3. The people who think this is sexualizing children are the fucked up ones, I mean really whats going through their head?

You know what sexualized children?  Those fucked up glitz pageants.

If you are making your daughter look like this..then you have some serious issues on your hands.

I think my husband might keel over and die if I dressed my daughter up like this.

Did you know that they have a SWIMSUIT part in these pageants?  Yeah a fucking swimsuit part.   Now I must ask.  Why the hell do they need little girls parading on stage in a swimsuit so they could judge them?  Nothing like telling your daughter hey you’re not pretty enough at 5 years old so lets cake on the make up, do a spray tan, put some fake teeth in your mouth and parade you around in a bathing suit in front of some middle-aged men who are judging the pageant.  It’s incredibly screwed up if you ask me.

Have you noticed that most of the pageant moms are over weight housewives?  Just saying….


Ruby is a little whore…

28 Jun

If you have little kids you have probably seen the show Max and Ruby.  Let me tell you a little about this show.  Ruby is the older sister and Max is her little brother.  And Ruby is a little bitch.  She bosses her brother around.  Today the episode was about Ruby loosing her tooth and she made her little brother Max Search the house for HER tooth before he could eat his chocolate muffin.  Umm Ruby quit being a whore.  Where are max and ruby’s parents anyway?  You never see the parents.  Why doesn’t Ruby have any friends?  All of the episodes are of Ruby being a whore bossing her little brother around.  Shes got such an attitude,  It makes you want to smack her.  If she was my kid I would probably beat her(okay not really).

Look at her dragging her little brother around.  He obviously does not want to be hanging with her.

On another note…I think i need a life other then my kids

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A little update on Andrew

25 Jun

Andrew has been doing awesome this week.  He seems to have a little more energy and is eating a lot more.  I’m supposed to call the doctor this week to get some more blood work done but im not going to lie, I havent done it yet.  I’m really hesitant.  I do not want to poke him anymore unless I have to.   The poor kid just turned 3 and has already had more done to him then some adults.  He has a horrible fear of doctors and I just really do not want to scare him or put him through it unless he gets worse.  I don’t know maybe that makes me a bad mommy for not doing what the doctor wants but I just can’t do that to him unless I think its necessary.

Andrew and Noah have been playing so hard together.  We bought them a little 4 wheeler for their birthday.  And since Andrew thinks he’s king of this house he always makes Noah ride on the back while HE drives.  For some reason Noah, my oldest son, Lets Andrew boss him around and beat the crap out of him.  So they were riding on the 4 wheeler in the front yard and head towards the ditch and what do you know the whole thing flips over on top of them.  I run over there and see these two tiny heads poking out and them laughing hysterically simply saying “mommy you pwease help me”.   Why must they scare their mother into a heart attack?  Those two kids are true boys.

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You my friend are a DOUCHE

25 Jun

So my Friday rant is about Douche bags…This one in particular actually.  He is the one that inspired this blog today…

What the hell is up with this whole Jersey shore shit.  Its retarded.  They all look like complete morons. If you look like this tool then you need help..asap

How do they not know they  look retarded?  Seriously.

Oh and my favorite, are these losers…

I really just have one thing to say…

My next rant is Whores..Yes I know I say that word way to often, But seriously whores bug me especially the whores that wear the shorts with their ass cheeks hanging out, who tan like 6 times a day and wear Ugg boots in the summer with their tiny shorts and a tank top.

You look like a weather confused whore.

Now I know all the men are probably like oh my god whatever its hot.  Well I say you are fucking dumb and no it’s not. Just because you have a good body does not give you the right to dress like a hooker on 5th street.  I weigh 105 lbs and I still do not dress like that.

And to go with the theme of Jersey shore this shit bugs me too..

Well thats  my rants for today.

But a special thank you to Lookitsbray For my awesome looking blog=)

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My family is nuts….

24 Jun

This is my insane family. Summed up in a few screen shots.

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Emma’s Man farts

23 Jun

Yes that is Emma who is 5 months old farting like my mom…..

and I just want to say that took me like 3 hours to figure out how to add this frickin video

[tweetmeme source=”AdventureOf_Mom” only_single=false]

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