Tag Archives: poop

The walking farts….

19 Jun

I don’t know if it is an age thing, or after you have kids thing, or something else.  But it seems to me that older women have walking farts.  Take my mother for example.  She always has them.  Even at the most inappropriate time.  This weekend we were in Ohio and we were staying at the Hilton in Columbus and my mom had the walking farts as we were walking to the elevator and of course there were people behind us. But i think this one story takes the cake for my moms walking farts.  We were in babys-r-us.  I was pregnant with Emma and we were shopping around.  My mom is a very nervous person.  She gets all nervous in weird situations and starts babbling like an idiot and does this weird nervous laugh.  Well I was looking at something on the shelf and here comes my mom walking past me with the walking farts.  But this time they were not so quiet like they usually are.  I of course start laughing hysterically.  My mom with her retarded nervousness gets all freaked out starts kinda giggling and then babbles something incoherent and then PUNCHES me in the belly.  I was 8 months pregnant.  Then walks away leaving the smell behind her.  I couldn’t stop laughing and the multiple people behind us were giggling also.

Mom I know you are reading this.  I’m buying you some beano.

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The Chocolate Poop.

29 May

If your squeamish, I suggest you not read any farther.

Andrew has yet to be potty trained.  All the so-called “experts” say do not rush potty training.   Well all I have to say to them is,  Fuck off.  I suggest you potty train before this happens to you.   It was like any normal day.  The kids were being crazy and fighting in the living room, and I was in the kitchen washing dishes(yes I hand wash my dishes, my husbands to cheap to buy a dish washer) trying my best to ignore them.  The baby started crying so I headed my way to the living room.  I picked her up layed her on the floor to change her poopy diaper(which she happened to have shit all the way up her back).  And to my horror I look over at my leather recliner and see chocolate smeared all over the chair.  I looked at Noah and Andrew and they booked it to their rooms.  I called them out there and asked where the heck they got that chocolate from and to go get some wipes and they both needed to clean it.  Noah says to me “MOM,  that’s not chocolate, it was Andrew”………

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